Thursday, April 10, 2014

What Do You Do . . .

This could be about someone in your life, while it is very specific to my own struggles, I bet you can relate in some way.

What do you do when someone lies to you for years and doesn’t seem to care and never truly repents?

What do you do when your heart has been broken so many times, you really don’t trust anymore? While you know it is not right, you can’t help but be cynical.

What do you do when the anger wells up deep in your gut, it feels like a lead balloon that makes its way up to your throat. You try to hold it back, you shake your head, pleading for mercy, hoping you can just stuff it down one more time.

What do you do when the tears won’t stop? It’s the middle of the night, alone in your bed. You are sitting up, hugging knees to chest, rocking back and forth and with deep sobs. You can hardly breathe, head feels like it might explode. You beg and plead for God to intercede. Does He hear a mama’s heart? Really?

What do you do when the pain in your heart is physical? It’s an ache so deep you just want to rip it out and make it go away.

What do you do when your husband’s heart is breaking as much as yours and all you can do is weep in each other’s arms until there is nothing left?

What do you do when your children come to you, confused with their own pain and anger too? When you have to hold them and try to make sense of the whole thing.

What do you do when you see no repentance, no fruit? The carefree posts on Facebook or lighthearted conversations that take place, all the while you want to scream, “WHY AREN’T YOU DOING SOMETHING ABOUT . . . “

What do you do when you gently encourage and try to help and speak up to no avail?

What do you do when you keep quiet and let them sort it out and see nothing change?

What do you do when you pray and pray and pray and nothing seems to change? You realize this has been going on for years, same story, same song and dance, same pain. Oh, life goes on, you get distracted, even wonder if things have changed. Nope, something always snaps you back to reality. Nothing has changed.

What do you do when you wonder, is this a pain I will carry to my grave? Will I watch this perpetuate for generations?

What do you do when you want to accuse and blame God? I know this is not the answer, but the temptation is great, isn’t it? You want to ask WHY? Why aren’t you doing anything? I fail sometimes.

What do you do? Honestly, I’m not sure I know anymore. Completely powerless. Completely and utterly powerless to change the situation.

What do you do? I don’t know, except to continue to surrender, to cry out, to pray, to believe when nothing in me believes. Help thou my unbelief, Lord. To hope in His faithfulness. To trust in the goodness of the Lord when I ‘see’ no goodness in the situation.

I will say to God my Rock,
“Why have You forgotten me?
Why do I go mourning because of the oppression of the enemy?”
 As with a breaking of my bones,
My enemies reproach me,
While they say to me all day long,
“Where is your God?”

 Why are you cast down, O my soul?
And why are you disquieted within me?
Hope in God;
For I shall yet praise Him,
The help of my countenance and my God.

Psalm 42:9-11


Anonymous said...

I have felt a pain like this. I will pray for you.

Heaven's Walk said...

Oh Michelle - I felt your tears on my own cheeks while reading this. I felt your pain in my own heart. Please know that I will pray for healing, peace, and comfort for you all! ♥

xoxo laurie